Developing an Attraction Mindset – Effortless Prospecting

On our journey through this network marketing world, we’ve struggled.  We’ve always sought out the advice and counsel of the top income earners in our business.  They’ve always given us useful and helpful advice but we’ve always taken that advice and thought about it.

We don’t see them doing what they’re telling us to do.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they are shysters or liars… What I am saying is this:

The most successful entrepreneurs we knew… The guys and girls that we looked up to, studied, and wanted to learn from… Didn’t have to chase after a sale.

They weren’t picking up the phone and cold-calling prospects except to possibly illustrate how to do it.

They weren’t collecting business cards, or “hustling” for a sale…

Their customers were pursuing them.

They were the one’s speaking from stage and taking pictures with the audience afterward.

They were the one’s being interviewed on podcasts, or on the cover of industry magazines.

If anything, they were having to turn away potential clients and customers because they were so busy.

And that led us to ask a very important question.  One that would forever change the course of our network marketing careers…

“How can we become the hunted, instead of the hunter?”

How can we get customers to call me, instead of the other way around?

I started studying this question and looking for sources to help me find the path that would lead people to me instead of me having to search for people every single day.  Then I found my answer from a very unexpected source…

The dating world.

I’ve known a guy for a long time named Eben.  Eben has spent over 10 years studying human relationship dynamics, and what is the root cause of “attraction” between two people.

And what I think I figured out is that the same social dynamics that creates a romantic attraction between two people on a social/personal level, can create a natural attraction between you and your potential business prospects.

Have you ever asked yourself…

What makes a person attractive to others?

Why do celebrities and rock stars have hundreds of people flock irrationally to them?

Why are people “famous”?

Why do some women find the most dead broke jerks completely irresistible?

Why is it that after a few minutes, a group of 10 complete strangers who don’t know each other will develop a leader that the rest will follow?

And, most of all, how can I use this to my advantage to have people start pursuing me instead of the other way around?

In order to understand the answer, we have to start at the beginning and that’s basic human psychology.

What you are about to read is the fundamental core of human-to-human interaction.

In order for any of this to work and make sense to you, you have to accept the following statement as absolutely true.  If you don’t believe this at the very core of your being, it won’t be as effective as it could.  Ready?  Here’s the secret.

Attraction is not a choice

Attraction is a biological/instinctual trigger that has evolved over millions of years to help keep you alive. This is probably why it’s never consciously understood or perceived by people until they actually start to study it.

Here’s a simple historical illustration…

By nature, human beings thrive and live in social groups. We are not designed to survive on our own, so we form tribes and families.

Members of that group follow a leader until they gain enough experience and confidence to challenge for leadership themselves or start their own group.

This is a survival instinct that has been ingrained in us.

The leader (usually referred to as the Alpha) is typically the strongest and most dominant individual in the group or family, both physically and mentally. One of his primary responsibilities is to protect his group, and, in return for that protection, they follow him.

That “survival” instinct is still present today, but, in today’s more advanced society, the value of a leader is perceived by a lot of different methods other than just providing food, clothing and shelter.  Today, leaders must possess qualities like business savvy, sociability, monetary means, and education.

Boiling this down to its essence, we are still biologically hardwired to find other people attractive or unattractive based on the level of value they have to offer us, because we gain a portion of their power/value through our association with them.

Think of a celebrity and their entourage.

The people in their group gain social status through their association with the celebrity, making them more attractive to others. They become “cooler” and more attractive to other people outside the group who want in.  Look at someone like Gayle King.  Gayle King gained social status because she was Oprah Winfrey’s friend and if you knew Gayle, she might introduce you to Oprah.

There are two important lessons here:

1. All people have a subconscious attraction to others who convey leadership qualities and have a high level of perceived personal value.

2. If you want to make it to the top of your industry, you must become a leader.  You become a leader by having qualities that provide real value to others.  You must then proactively convey those qualities in your marketing efforts.

So, time for the rubber to meet the road.  Self-reflection time… Where you YOU currently stand?

alpha male attraction

Do you have real confidence? Are you an Alpha?

Here’s a simple, but very effective, question you can ask yourself and if you don’t know the answer, test yourself the next time you’re in public and find out…

When you are out in public and see someone of the opposite sex whom you find attractive, who breaks eye contact first?

Attraction between a man and a womanAttraction between a man and a woman

Do you look down and away first, or do they?

If you hold the gaze until they look away, you’re probably an Alpha.

If, however, you look away first and are worried about what the other person thinks of you or are concerned about being judged, you are probably in a Beta or Pre-Alpha mindset.

If you’re an Alpha (which you probably aren’t since you’re reading this in the first place) then congratulations! The next few paragraphs won’t apply to you.

If, however, you’re a Pre-Alpha or Beta mindset, here’s good news…

You can change it in an instant…

You see, your category isn’t determined by your money, experience, job you have, or anything else external.

The only thing that determines your category is your state of mind – which is something you are in complete control of.  And your state of mind is determined by your personal beliefs about yourself.

You, and only you, decide which of these three categories you are in, and you can choose to change categories anytime you want… IF you have the courage to do so.

If you develop the courage to change your state of mind, it has to start with changing your personal beliefs about yourself. You must believe you are an Alpha. You must believe you are a leader with tremendous gifts to share the world.

And herein lies the fundamental issue.  If you “tell” people you are an Alpha (by your actions and deeds) but don’t believe it at the core of your being, society will see right through you and label you a “poser” and chastise you for being fake.

You cannot fake belief. You cannot pretend or act.

You truly believe you are, or that you are not.

When you start to adopt a new belief system about yourself, you will absolutely “feel” like a poser.  In fact, you will probably get caught by a prospect who is an Alpha and they will sense that you are not being your genuine self… Yet.

That’s when you hear the phrase “fake it until you make it.”

Faking it does not mean lying; it simply means that you’re going to struggle a bit as you go through the process of moving from a follower to an up-and-coming leader, and eventually to a recognized leader.

If you refer to yourself as a millionaire and you have $10 in your bank account, that doesn’t make you a liar. It means you believe you are something you’ve not yet achieved. You believe you have the heart of a millionaire who hasn’t yet come into his fortune.

If Richard Branson lost all his money tomorrow and was destitute, would people still refer to him as a millionaire?  You bet they would!  Because he knows what he’s capable of and you know what he’s capable of.

Challenging your current views about yourself and acting like a different person is a scary, yet wonderfully rewarding activity.

So how do you become the hunted instead of the hunter?

If you have genuine value to offer others, they will seek you out.

In order to become more valuable, you must acquire useful knowledge and skills that few others have, and demonstrate the results you can produce with your skillset.

Results create confidence, and confidence creates attraction.

And when people come to you… When they seek you out, selling becomes effortless, and incredibly enjoyable.

About the Author

Steve is an avid believer in personal development. Being a professional network marketer is more than financial and time freedom for him, it's about helping everyone else become the greatest version of themselves they can possibly be.

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